Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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