My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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