So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
