he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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