i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
