no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
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I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
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you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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