You're my little dorito
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
