Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
