found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
