All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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