I need help removing her.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
