I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
