Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
