I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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