I am spending my child support on dildos
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
