apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
