He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
