ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
