OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I can't turn off my feet"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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