Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
