is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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