We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
