Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
