btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
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