Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
