yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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