Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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