I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
