Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
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Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
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Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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