Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
