O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
