I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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