That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
