from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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