dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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