I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
