some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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