She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
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Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
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TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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