I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
