You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
