i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
