His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
