Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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