Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
