So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
