Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize