I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
