Define "chronic" masturbator.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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