I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
