took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
