yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
