i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
