whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
