I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
