He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
