My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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