remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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