I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
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you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
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A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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