I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
