Jerry, you need to find god
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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