So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
