when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
