you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
