guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
