I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm jealous of your bromance
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
