Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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