I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
