I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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