he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
