the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
