i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
