Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
