His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
