There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
