happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
