apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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