i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I currently don't understand fingers.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize